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I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
