I think I am morally bankrupt
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
