Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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