it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize