I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
