dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
