i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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