i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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