Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Randomize
