Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
