Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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