Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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