singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
