we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
