I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize