i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
