do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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