After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
