if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
