It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
