I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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