So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize