I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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