I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
