I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
