atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
