she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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