By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
