I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
