she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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