i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
