Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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