Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
