So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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