just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
