At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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