Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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