so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
