You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
