I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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