Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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