i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
