Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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