So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize