So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
