I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
