so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
