broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
