So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
