i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
