i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
