I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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