I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
