the day after is always just damage control
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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