scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
