sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
