Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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