When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
