I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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