4 words: hood of his car
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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