anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize