Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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