2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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