bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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