i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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